I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
