now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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