i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
