I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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