You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
