I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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