If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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