Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
