I hate all girls vehemently.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
