shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
