he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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