she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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