you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Someone shit on the floor
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
