I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize