Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
