You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
