I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize