This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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