i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
