We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize