I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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