she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
