Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
