dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
