You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize