My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
