im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
