Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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