wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We got so high we made milksteak
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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