i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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