I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
