you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
