One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
