i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
