i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
