I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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