haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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