I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
