Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
