i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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