too bad you live with your parents still
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
