so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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