I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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