He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
