I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
