Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
