No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
