I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
