They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
