I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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