im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
