there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
