Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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