She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
