So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
