We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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