I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
