the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
