she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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