I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
