Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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