The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
