He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
