so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
