I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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