One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize