Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
