i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
