btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize